Gears of War-DeadSpace Drama

Disclaimer: I don't own Gears of War or the characters. And I don't own DeadSpace either, but it make a good parody! *winks*

Dana Santiago Fenix was walking by Baird's room, when she heard him cry. She instinctivly rushed the door, covertly rolling into his bedroom like a commando. She scanned the area, only to find a bleary-eyed Baird gaping at her. He asked,"What the hell was that? You freaking scared the shit out of me. Try knocking next time okay." Dana stood up, puzzled,"I heard you scream. What was that about?" Daird grunted and pointed at his flatscreen tv, which was playing the game DeadSpace. Dana breathed,"You have to be kidding me?" Baird just huffed and went back to playing. Two minutes later, a Necromorph literally ripped him a new one, making Baird yell in protest,"What the hell man? Shoot right next time you dumbass." Dana was about to leave when the smell hit her. She gasped,"Oh my goodness Baird! When was the last time you showered?" Baird paused the game, looking at her,"It was Friday, I remember, cause that's when I got the game. So what. it's just been two days." Dana shaked her head,"Baird, today's Thursday, which means your seven days overdue. Go take a freaking bath." He shot her a bird mockingly,"Screw you I can't. There's no save point were I am and I'm not doing this shit over again." He unpaused his game, totally blocking everything else she had to say.
Dana sighed. She looked around his room, which was piled with beer and pizza boxes. She picked up some of the trash, putting it in the garbage. But when she got to a Mountain Dew bottle full of warm liquid she asked,"This isn't what I think it is, is it?" Baird grinned over his shoulder,"Grade A Damon Baird juice. Want some?" Dana made a digusted face,"That's just wrong, Damon. Would it have killed you to pause it and piss in your bathroom that's two steps away?" Baird didn't say anything, to intent on his game.
Dana, being the type who hates being ignored, smiled as she planned a way to get him to stop playing his game.

A little later...
Baird is still playing DeadSpace. Caught in the room were you have to plant a distress beacon on the huge asteroid. For the fifth time, he gets smashed to bits by the circling gravity rings. He curses loudly.
Dana walks back in his room. She walks infront of the tv, getting Baird's angry attention. She asked,"Damon, I need you to fix my labtop. The stupid thing has crashed again." He looks angerly at her,"Can't it freaking wait? I thought you were just as good as me at fixing things. Why don't you do it?" Dana looked innocently at the floor,"Yah, but your better at it. Please come fix it." Baird sighed, pausing his game, yet again. He followed behind, to her room. She held a labtop out for him to check. He plopped on her bed, still irratated, and starting looking it over. Dana slowly inched closer beside him. They were touching legs before he noticed her. He asked,"Is there something wrong with you today? Your acting awful clinging." Dana huffed, looking the other way,"No, I just got bored today since everyone else went on a trip into town. I thought we might spend some time together." Baird didn't say anything and Dana looked up at him. She said,"Are you even listening to me?" Baird set the labtop down,"Huh, what did you say? Your labtop's fixed. If you need me, don't call, I'm busy alright." Dana's jaw dropped. How dare he blow me off for a game. It might be an awesome game, she knew it was, but nobody blows Dana off and gets away with it.

Sometime much later....
Baird was still playing DeadSpace, as Dana came in. He was so into it, he never saw her standing there. Dana spoke, seductively,"Damon, I'm standing right behind you, and I have nothing on." Baird grunted, not really paying attention,"So go put some clothes on. I'm busy." That was it. If he wanted to play it that way, than so be it. Dana stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Baird muttered,"Shesh, what the hell is her problem?"
Dana lay on her bed, feeling neglected. She switched on her labtop and searched for pictures of DeadSpace. She grinned as a plan starting forming in her mind. All she needed was some paints and that old manniquin in the attic. If Baird wasn't going to pay attention to her, he would this.

Late that night....
Everyone was asleep, except Baird. He was battling Necromorphs in zero gravity. He quickly shot the limbs off of the first monster, killing it. Two more ran at him, making Baird jump off the couch backwards. The savagly finished him off. It was freaking difficult on hard mode. He paused it, feeling the urge to relieve himself. Baird strolled across his room, toward the bathroom. The door was ajar. Strange, he thought he had shut that before playing.
Baird entered the bathroom, switching on the lights. Right infront of him was a real-life Necromorph. Baird screamed, falling flat on his ass, and pissing himself. He backed up against the wall, grabbing the first thing he could get, which was a toilet plunger. He flung it straight at the monster, toppling it over. He stared blankly at it. He thought,"Funny, I thought it would be harder to kill one of those."
Baird got to his feet and slowly moved toward the creature. To his relief, it turned out to be a painted up manniquin with it's arms sharpened to look like a Necromorph. A paper was hanging out of it's bloody tattered clothes. Baird pulled it out and opened it. He frowned as he read,"If your reading this asshole, then you found out it isn't real. Hope you like it. Maybe you two can play DeadSpace together since both of you can't hear a damn thing I say. Dana." Baird groaned. So she had went to all this trouble to make a point to him. He really must have made her angry to do this. With a sigh, Baird went in the next room and turned off the game. He grabbed some clean clothes, before heading to the showers. Baird picked up the manniquin and tossed it outside the door. Taking off his now wet clothes, and took a quick shower. He grinned to himself,"If you want me that bad Dana, your about toget me.

Downstairs, while Baird is pissing himself......*giggles*
Dana was in the livingroom watching tv. She had heard Baird yell and smile happily to herself. Marcus and the gang had opened their doors, wondering what all the commotion was about. She had simply said,"Baird's playing game." They all groaned and went back to bed. After that, it was very quiet. She puzzled on why Baird never came down to rail on her for what she had done.
Curiously, she switched the television off and went upstairs. She approached Baird's room, which was oddly silent. She spoke,"Baird, are you okay?" No answer. Dana began to panic and opened his door slowly. The game was off, and the only lights came from the outside hallway. She walked slowly into the bathroom, calling Baird's name weakly. She gasped when she was his still form on the floor. Dana knelt by him, afraid to touch him. She moaned helplessly,"Oh no, I freaking scared him to death. I didn't want this. I just wanted him to pay attention to me. Oh, Baird." She began to cry.
A hand shot out from behind her, covering her mouth. Baird said,laughing,"Fooled you. That's you little suprise you left me with my clothes on." Dana whipped around as Baird turned the lights on. He smiled lopsided at her, his goggles shining in the bathroom lights,"You really think I was dead?" Dana sniffled, rushing to Baird and embracing him,"I love you asshole, but don't ever do that again." Baird laughed,"Don't scare the piss out of me again, and I'll think about it. By the way, your washing my pants." Dana nuzzled close to his neck,"Atleast it made you take a shower, you smell better." Baird asked,"Hey I just remembered something. Did you really stand behind me naked this afternoon?" She smiled,"Like you'll ever know." A loud voice came from the hallway, it was a irratated Marcus,"Hey Mr. and Mrs. Asshole. Why don't you shut the hell up and go to bed like normal people?" Dana and Baird grinned at each other. He asked,"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Dana smiled wickedly,"Totally. I think Marcus is gonna wake up to a Necromorph laying beside him. They snickered as they dragged the manniquin toward the slumbering Marcus's room.